Water Fights and Slurry Pits
by BeethovenRIP
Summary: A little ONESHOT based on Series 27 episode 27 'With or Without you'. The slurry pit looks inviting, but what will happen when your wife finds out you took a little swim in it? Please Read and Review xxx


_**A / N – OK, so, I was a little cheesed off with Casualty this week, I thought it was dull and rubbish. Not to mention my continued annoyance at how Jeff and Dixie just seem to be used as glorified extras in this series, the fact they didn't make much of an appearance on Saturday was enough to make me cross and spend the whole episode surfing the internet on my phone. Anyway, rant over, I thought back to last week's episode and came up with this, hope you enjoy. **_

Jeff helped Lance out of the slurry pit and onto the side trying to get him to sit up so he could assess him. Don was still pulling himself out as Suzie looked on worried about Lance. Jeff was trying to keep her calm as he started his assessment, but, nothing was working.

'Please Suzie, just stay back while I take a look at him.'

'Is he going to be alright, please tell me he is going to be OK?' Suzie asked hysterically.

'He will be fine Suzie, please, just sit down there while I take a look.' Jeff requested whilst waving to Dixie who had arrived with Norman in the ambulance.

As the passenger door opened revealing his own wife, Jeff got up and went over to her to fill her in on the casualties. He didn't want to get involved in the martial dispute, it reminded him too much of what Lucy did to him, but, Dixie was right, if Suzie was hurt, he needed to help her. Jeff had just witnessed two men and a woman fighting over affection and love, it made him sad, but he was glad to see Dixie, although their relationship is far from conventional, he knew he could still go to her for some love and affection when he needed it. Now was one of those moments. As Jeff got closer and went to put his arm around Dixie's waist, she jumped back screwing up her nose.

'Christ almighty Jeffrey you bloody stink.' Holding her hand to her nose, she gestured towards the gate at the opposite end of the building, 'get over there and away from me.'

Jeff looked slightly put out, he only wanted to be close to her and now she was sending him packing, 'Dixie, I had to get him out of there, what was I meant to do?'

'Not play the bloody superhero, you stink and if you think I am putting any of your clothes in our washing machine, let alone having you anywhere near our house then you have another thing coming Collier. Now get.'

Jeff backed away slowly maintaining eye contact with Dixie who was trying hard not to gag at the smell coming off him. He knew it would be bad, going into a slurry pit was never going to win him any prizes for the next male aftershave, but, he couldn't just stand by and watch Lance suffocate.

He watched from the side-lines as Dixie and Norman put Suzie and Lance in the ambulances that had arrived. Don was standing at a distance, Dixie had given him a foil blanket to keep himself warm, but, there was no room in the ambulances for him. Jeff overheard Dixie talking to Norman about the possibilities of getting all three of them back to the ED without calling a third crew out, so far, they had come up with nothing.

'I will take him in the car.' Jeff offered as he edged closer to Dixie who was holding her arm out signalling to him not to get any closer.

'I don't bloody think so, what did you do swim in the stuff?'

'No.' Jeff replied indignantly.

'You can go in the ambulance with Lance and Norman; he is going to need some help.'

'What about Don?'

'I will drive him back in the car.'

'Why can't I?'

'Jeffrey Collier, if you think I am letting you get into our car covered in a load of shite then you have yet another thing coming.'

'But Don is covered in it as well.' Jeff protested sounding more like a five year old than a 43 year old.

'Not as much as you are now go.' Dixie shouted back pointing at Norman who was holding the door open waiting for one of the Colliers to come over. He raised his eyebrow as Jeff sulked over towards him.

'Perfect.' Norman commented as Jeff got closer, 'The ambulance is going to absolutely stink now.'

'Oh don't you bloody start Norman, it is bad enough being treated like a leper from Dixie let alone you.' Jeff pulled himself into the back as Norman shut the doors.

The two ambulances and the Colliers BMW pulled up outside the ED, Jeff helped Norman get Lance out the back while Dixie got Don out of the car. Jeff stood back knowing that Dixie would not let him walk into the ED, so, he thought it best to wait outside for her to come back. Jeff felt Dixie was being unreasonable, he was only helping, but, even he had to admit, the smell of the slurry was starting to make him feel sick. Jeff wondered around the middle of the car park making small circles as he moved, he was getting lost in his own world when he felt a sharp object jab him in the backside.

'Oww.' Jeff said as he turned round rubbing his bum to see Dixie prodding him with a very long stick. 'What are you doing that for you daft cow?'

'Move Collier.'

Jeff walked in the direction of the ambulance bay with Dixie still prodding his backside with the stick to make him hurry up. He swore she was getting some kind of kick out of this, he could hear her cackle each time she prodded him with the stick. Jeff was sure he would end up with bruises.

'Stop right there Jeffrey.' Dixie instructed tapping him once more with the stick. He was stood outside the ambulance bay, 'wait there.'

Jeff rubbed his bottom again while he waited for Dixie, he had turned himself around wondering where she had got to when all of a sudden…..

'AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH, BLOODY HELL.' Jeff screamed as a powerful jet of ice cold water covered him from head to foot. 'DIXIE YOU UTTER BITCH STOP THAT!'

Jeff swung around to see Dixie stood in the garage holding the hose laughing uncontrollably as she hosed him down in freezing cold water. He tried to get away from the jet, but, every time he moved, Dixie was hot on his trail to continue to give him a good soaking.

'DIXIE, THAT'S ENOUGH NOW, PLEASE.' Jeff begged as Dixie continued to howl with laughter watching as he tried to shield himself from the jet of water.

'DIXIE, PLEASE THAT WATER IS BLOODY COLD.'

Once she was sure all the slurry had been washed off him, Dixie turned the hose off dropping it to the floor. She caught a glimpse of Jeff who was stood in the road dripping wet with an unimpressed look on his face, she could see he was shivering, but, she couldn't help it, she burst into laughter clutching at her sides.

'Oh…..my…god…you…..should…..see…..yourself…Jeffrey…. I have so got to get a photo of this.'

'Don't you bloody dare woman.'

SNAP

'Too late, oh, I think this will be my new screen saver.' Dixie returned laughing once more.

'You have one hell of an evil streak in you Dixie Collier.'

'But you love me.'

Jeff was shivering quite badly now, but, Dixie had far from given up on him. Jeff looked on as she slowly walked over to him wondering what was going to happen next, as she got closer, he saw a sympathetic look on her face.

'Aww my Jeffrey. What am I going to do with you?'

Jeff shrugged his shoulders as Dixie placed her hands either side of his face feeling how cold he was.

'I know.' She said

'What?' Jeff asked snuggling his face into her warm hands.

'Strip.'

'You have got to be kidding me?'

'Nope, you can put your clothes in this bag.' Dixie replied holding out a Patient Property bag.

'Dixie, I am not taking my clobber off out here.'

'Yes you are Jeffrey, come on.'

'No.'

'From where I am stood, you have two choices. First, stand there in wet smelly clothes shivering, or second, strip and dry off, I will get you your uniform and you get your arse in here to clean out the ambulance you and Lance stunk out.'

'That is not fair, why can't I get changed in the locker room.'

'Because you still stink Jeffrey that is why now get your kit off and dry yourself off with the towel.'

Jeff eyed his wife angrily; he couldn't see why she was making him strip in the middle of the ambulance station for all to see. More to the point, why was she so keen on getting him to take off his clothes?

'For a Lesbian Dix, you seem very keen to see me naked, fancy some Collier action do you?'

'Ha, I don't think so. Come on, stop procrastinating and get on with it.'

'You seemed very keen to get me absolutely dripping wet so that I had to take my clothes off; I think you fancy me really.'

'You should be so lucky.' Dixie commented as she shook the bag once more in Jeff's direction.

Before she could say anything else Jeff had lurched forward wrapping his arms around her waist pulling her close to him. Dixie squealed and protested trying to free herself from Jeff's grasp but it was no use, he had her firm and was now proceeding to make her uniform wet by hugging her. Dixie tried to wriggle out and back off running away from Jeff who proceeded to chase her around the outside of the Ambulance Bay before heading in.

Dixie was doing a good job of hiding between the other ambulances so Jeff couldn't see her, but, he was not giving up, revenge will be his. Dixie waited a few more minutes thinking that Jeff would have long given up before she edged out into the open expanse of the bay. Jeff was nowhere to be seen, and neither was the hose!

'Oh Shit.' Dixie exclaimed as she turned around to be greeted Jeff who was grinning ear to ear holding the hose ready to blast her with a jet of freezing cold water. 'AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH JJJJEEEEFFFRREEEEEYYYYY!'

It was now Jeff's turn to howl in laughter as he focussed his energies on getting Dixie back for his soaking, as much as she tried to run back for shelter behind an ambulance, he was not giving up. He soaked her and soaked her good.

After a few minutes Jeff shut the hose off and laughed hysterically at the sight that was before him. Dixie was stood in the middle of the ambulance bay in a puddle of water soaked from head to foot, her hair was drenched and she looked unimpressed. Jeff edged closer to his wife who had her best death stare on, but, he couldn't help but continue to laugh as although she was clearly annoyed with him, she was shivering so much that it made her mouth quiver.

'Now Mrs Collier, I think it is your turn to strip off and dry off. I am not having you get into our car like that.' Jeff smirked.

'You bloody evil sod.' Dixie whispered through clattering teeth.

'But you love me.' Jeff replied smiling at his shivering wife before taking her hand in his, 'Come on Princess, let's get dried off and changed.'

Jeff led the pair of them to the locker room where they proceeded to dry off and change. Jeff could still hear Dixie shivering and her teeth clattering as she moved about the locker room, he smiled to himself before going over to her once more as she sat on the bench brushing out her hair.

'Shall we go home then Dix?'

Dixie nodded silently.

'Come on then babe, let's get home, get the heating on and have a warm shower. If you are really lucky, I will cook dinner as well.'

'Is someone feeling guilty Jeffrey or hoping I will forget to seek revenge on you?'

'Neither of those things Dix, I do it because I care.'

'Hardly think that is likely, don't forget Jeffrey, I always retaliate.'

'I know Princess and before you say it, I know I have to sleep sometime.'

The pair smiled at each other before gathering up their sodden belongings heading out of the ambulance bay and home. They were often moaned at for behaving like complete children at times, but, that is what made them unique and they loved it.


End file.
